This section of the list of rampage killers contains those cases where at least half of the victims were relatives of the perpetrator, or the perpetrator's spouse.
There is this time I walked into this shoe shop in Dublin, Ireland. I had on this hoodie with “Safaricom” emblazoned on its front in green. He then rattled on, asking about home and how it was “back there.” Asking about politics and things.So, there I was checking out these shoe when I heard someone ask, “Wewe ni Mkenya? He told me he watched Citizen news online most of the time, but that still left him shelled with homesickness. He bear hugged me, which is something I try to reserve for the opposite sex.He lived in Northern Ireland, which is really next to the end of the world, and he is probably the only black guy for thousands of miles before you run into a Nigerian.I asked him when was the last time he was home and he said 11years ago. I asked him what he missed most about being home and he surprised me by saying, “attending funerals for close ones.” He said he had missed his father’s funeral (it was cheaper to send money for burial), something that seemed like a monkey on his back. Most of us grew up and that came with different priorities. I know it might seem like we have lots of time on our hands back here but we don’t.
In fact, he had missed tons of funerals for close relatives. On a light note I asked him if he had a kiosk in Belfast and he laughed, that distinct Kenyan laugh that starts from the diaphragm and doesn’t leave it. We can get very busy between spending time in traffic jams and Facebooking.We chatted for a bit, in Swahili, mine markedly tattered. And we don’t mind taking you to look for artefacts at Masai Market. And because there is work and there is school and there is family we can’t take you out partying on the daily. If we have time, we will take you to do your rounds.I remember feeling such gutting sympathy for him when we parted. It’s easy to feel sympathy for fellows living abroad, right up until they land at JKIA, then the bottom falls off. Do you know how much guys living abroad ploughed into the economy in the first five months of this year? That’s a lot of dough, about 10% of what Kamwana is bringing back from the East! We could use every yen, dollar and rupee we can lay our hands on now, especially during these trying moments that some of our governors have decided to conduct county matters from plush hotels where they live. But can you imagine that since you left life also happened to us? And just because you are back in the country after 10 years doesn’t mean all these things stop and we have to lay banana leaves on your path to Mercury Lounge. But it’s not your right, so don’t sulk and brood and feel unappreciated. Don’t go to Mama Oliech’s for fish and when the bill lands you ask the poor waitress if they can accept dollars!Him, out there, in that bleeding cold that makes your nails pale and your tongue blue, so far away from home, wondering who else will be buried in his absence. But your financial contribution notwithstanding, we need to straighten out some issues, guys. It’s illegal to burn music for local artists, so don’t ask us to. Secondly, the legal tender of Kenya is Kenyan Shillings. That waitress is from Kochia, the dollar is a currency she isn’t well acquainted with.Wondering when he would next feel the balminess of the African sun on his forehead and the warmth of our own soil under his feet. It’s about your conduct when you come back home for vacation. And FYI, the only people who accept dollars or rands are the forex bureaus. A few years back my cousin landed in the country from Jersey (you should have heard how he pronounces “Jersey”).First off, please don’t whine about how nothing works in this country. Thing is, traffic cops will control traffic at traffic lights that work. Service in eateries might not be as swift as it is in Toronto. This time I took him to Havana in Westlands and he kept asking the deejay to play some song by T-Pain. They dine at the Tribe Hotel and sleep in Laikipia.