I had a guy drop off a scrapbook full of things I loved on my front porch, and I still thought we were just friends because he didn't specifically say he liked me. Being so nervous about the first kiss that you just leave before it can happen. This has been my plan since I was like, 13, and I've been happily single ever since (JK, this plan is terrible). The more you like someone, the more terrified and nervous you become. Wanting to touch him so badly that you end up subconsciously feeling him up to an inappropriate degree. Being so terrified of first-date silence that you end up telling a really personal and upsetting story.
Not being sure that even the clearest signals mean that he likes you. Not wanting to assume that everyone is flirting with you, so you assume no one is ever flirting with you. Once I full-blown like someone, it's all I can do not to shout this every 12 minutes.10.
One time you tried flirting with a stranger who appeared to be hitting on you but then it turned out he had a girlfriend and now you'll never do that ever again. A total stranger asks for your number and you debate in your head for two hours whether or not it's worth it. He obviously likes you," but you're like, "Yeah, probably, but I don't know Aka why my roommates hate me.12.
I mean, he could be great or he could be a total psycho and then I'm stuck with a total weirdo psycho calling me all the time ... Trying to figure out how to say good-bye in a casual way usually turns into you half-hugging him and running away.
Actually, running away at the end of the first few dates with someone is one of my favorite pastimes/coping mechanisms. Seeing your crush and wanting so badly to either just be with them or to have them leave the country and not even say good-bye. I'm so exhausted by my feelings for you that I don't even care anymore.
After I got sober, I worried I'd never have sex again.
This may sound dramatic, the kind of grandiose proclamation a teenager makes before slamming the door to her room.
But I'd ruined my sole romantic strategy: get drunk, see what happens.
I had no idea how to get close to a man without alcohol.
Booze had given me permission to do and say anything I wanted, but now that I was sober, the only thing I wanted most days was to watch Netflix.
It's not as though every intimacy in my entire life had been warped by drinking.
I'd had quiet sex, and giggling sex, and sex so delicate it was like a soap bubble perched on the tip of my finger.
I knew such joy could exist between two people, but I had no clue how to get to it anymore.