For some reason, the modern sitcom seems to be the only venue that openly addresses the dark awkwardness of a dating partner’s sexual past.
The one who has his or her own sexual history faces their own challenges.
The twin emotions of judged when you feel the weight of your partner’s regret and struggle to process what their sins mean for you.
Obsession, because you want to let the past be the past, but only after your own morbidly detailed investigation — and because you stubbornly refuse to be rejected and overlooked for the purity which you’ve guarded so diligently.
The reflex reaction of the insecure is to quantify oneself, especially physically: to rush to numbers for security, to resort to inches to feel worthy, to run to the scale to feel loveable.
Here are six truths to help still your heart, quiet the lies, and proceed with compassionate caution and wisdom in a relationship with someone who has a sexual history. Whether you measure up to anyone else or not, if you buy into the lie that love should be quantified, you destroy real intimacy.
When you measure your lovability by trying to quantify your sexuality, you diminish your humanity.
What scares you is that you will come up short in your manhood or womanhood in marriage — that you will always be living in the shadow of your partner’s ex-partners — that your shortcomings and deficiencies will loom over you in the form of inexperience.
Remember this: meaningful sex isn’t primarily about a particular (1 Corinthians 7:4; Ephesians –32) — and only in the God-appointed context of the marriage covenant.
The sustaining benefit of sex in marriage is not the orgasm, but the committed intimate relationship.
Don’t buy into the temptation to dwell on the ways you are deficient — the temptation to self-destruct.
The gospel reminds us: the Beloved expect you to conform to patterns of her previous sexual partners, they are not ready to date — that is, they are not ready to be trusted with your (or anyone else’s) heart.