Dating getting dumped

In my peri-collegiate years, I had a habit of mixing tapes to cope with the aftermath of thwarted relationships.You could gauge the depth of my heartbreak by the amount of Sade I put into the mix or the depth of my anger by the amount of early Melissa Etherige.

Or, maybe he took that job offer in Sao Paulo, Brazil, ensuring that we won't meet again unless I decide to take my pale skin south for Carnival.

Around that time is when I announce that I am going to get a cat and become one of those spinsters who wills her life savings to her feline companions.

If you actually start looking for Fluffy, it's time to snap to attention.

Even after a very hard breakup, it's essential that -- beyond whatever feelings of despair you may feel on the surface -- you remain aware that somewhere, deep down, there IS a kernel of hope. Particularly for older singles or anyone who has dated a lot, it is natural to feel hopeless when it doesn't work out especially if you thought it might. Hiding, she bellowed, is the WORST possible response. Wallowing is an understandable but totally counter-productive answer to disappointment.

(And especially if you feel that you've already gone out with every other available person in your gender/age target group and have already been told that you're "too picky" for ruling out hermaphrodites.) After a recent breakup, two or three weeks slipped by without my noticing. It does nothing except compound your misery and, often, turns a minor setback into a devastation zone that affects other areas of your life, as well as future relationships. But set limits on it to ensure you don't pine away.

I was upset and confused about my feelings, and embarrassed at not being able to bounce back into the swing of things. Post-ratiocination, you're called upon to walk the fine line between feeling your feelings and giving in to the inertia that makes your bed, the TV, excessive eating and other quasi-depressive activities seem far more seductive than is productive. Ask your friends if you've been moping for too long and set a deadline.

Give yourself until, say, next Thursday to welter in misery.

After that, pledge to begin moving beyond your funk. Alternatively, try setting aside a period of time each day: you're allowed to wallow between, say, 7 and each night. Perhaps the best way to combat the urge to wallow is to give your intellect a say.

If you find yourself thinking about HIM (or HER) at a.m., tell yourself you'll think about that during the allotted time. Hindsight is a beautiful thing, but it's not readily available to you while you negotiate an emotional morass.

What is available to you, though, is hindsight from the past.

How many times in the past did you waste several weeks moping only to run into the object of your thwarted affection and wonder, "Oy! " Or, once through a difficult period in your life, how many times have you realized that you learned something important from the ordeal?