As I sat with my closest girlfriends on our routine girls’ night out (GNO) one Saturday evening, the suspense at the table didn’t go unnoticed.
Wasn’t I the same person who vowed to never date a man with a child? There are other men who are single, childless and worth getting to know. I was up for the challenge, and decided to give it shot.Alas, I admit, those were my exact words, but those words were also spoken by a much younger and not so much wiser version of myself. Obviously, there are several issues to deal with when someone has a child. Do you think you’ll get jealous when you have to share him, and can’t throw a tantrum because you’ll ‘look bad’ for being jealous of a child? trying to pacify the mother so his relationship with his child isn’t affected, and keeping his ‘woman’ comfortable.I have learnt through maturity and life’s little lessons, that limiting yourself or options because of the checklist of the perfect man or ideal relationship you have etched in your mind doesn’t actually prove to be realistic. Yes the other woman; the ex who will always be present in both of your lives. Will your plans get rescheduled at the last minute, because something came up with the child or because of a situation with the other parent? Can your significant other manage any possible drama? And let’s be real, what about feeling secure about your relationship when you see him with her and their child, looking like a happy family unit? Still, it was a great relief to have taken that step. another thing with dating someone who has a child is this…But while it isn’t the ideal situation for some women, is dating a guy with a child really all that bad? It very well depends on the man, and how serious he is about getting into a committed relationship. When my guy mentioned that he had a child, I admit that the fear factor did set in. Having to deal with the ‘chile mudda’ may not be one’s cup of tea, but this is one of the things you may have to do while you’re dating your guy. something even more special is added to the relationship, as the guy would have to trust you to take such a big step in introducing you to his prized possession, and it’s often a good sign that he takes you seriously.Having only exchanged brief, common courtesies via phone with my guy’s ex, I can say that it is necessary for you to be cordial in this situation, because you’ll be interacting with her child as well. Seeing a man with a child does give an inclination of the type of father he makes, and females – me included – tend to look for that particular quality when choosing our mates.
In my case, we haven’t really had any tension thus far. there are many people out there who have a child with their ex. Coming to terms with it depends on what the single (and childless) individual is willing to accept, all in the name of love and finding ‘the one’. Possessing the ideal qualities is what would make the final deal in him becoming a potential husband.All women aren’t the same and not every ex will bring drama or real ‘tote’ because of her ‘child fadda’s’ present relationship. My guy possesses the main characteristics I usually go for, smart, sensitive, ambitious etc. So does this make a man with a child more marriage worthy?I also get to witness the type of dad he really is, and he handles his role and responsibilities as a father well. I remember thinking, “Please don’t cry if I hold your hand”. Does having a child mean that he is even more ready for long-term commitment, even with the extra baggage? While, on my end, there is no talk of running down an aisle anytime soon, as the relationship progresses, who knows what may happen.He is absolutely in love with his child, and that makes him even more attractive to me. While we look for stability in relationships, dating someone who has a child shouldn’t pose a threat.Seeing a man love and care for his child genuinely is a beautiful thing. It’s all about building that relationship on the basics, as you would any other, with love, trust, understanding, and commitment, among other things.Bear in mind that dating someone with a child would initially lead to you meeting the child or children, and having to build a relationship with them, not to mention gaining their trust as well. Naturally, there would be hiccups; when disagreements occurred between the exes, this stressed out my guy, which in turn affected us, but we worked it out.