It allows you to specifically discuss the practicalities of raising your child without detouring into negative areas and opening old wounds.
It also provides a recorded message, admissible into court, so parents tend to be more careful when using it.
Your child's emotional health depends on it." "Teenagers like to feel in control, and divorce turns their world upside down," Neuman says."Don't fall into the trap of sharing divorce details or your angry feelings about your ex with your older kids. You can suggest your child write down his feelings and share them with your ex, but only if the child wants to do so. Healing comes through a loving connection and from feeling understood." "I tell parents to treat their child's weekend away with their ex-spouse as if the child has just visited an aunt or uncle," Neuman says.Their own anxiety and need for control causes them to be 'understanding' of what you're going through, but you need to be the parent. "Saying nothing will leave your child stressed, as if he must compartmentalize both worlds and tiptoe around this other experience.Breaking up is hard to do, and it may be especially hard for kids.Kids of divorce can feel they've been hit the hardest by the end of their parents' relationship.
Some are asked to broker peace between warring exes, even as they are grieving the loss of a parent who has abruptly moved out.Others must deal with parents who suddenly can't cope with everyday tasks, like making dinner or helping with homework.Many children carry the battle scars of divorce well into adulthood.But broken-up spouses can help stop the damage by managing their own behavior before the ink dries on the divorce papers. Gary Neuman, LMHC, gives exes pointers on how to split up without emotionally destroying their kids long term."Too many parents attempt to communicate through their children," Neuman says, "which causes undue emotional stress on them and forces them to negotiate a situation their own parents could not handle.Email is an excellent tool nowadays to communicate with your ex-spouse.